Mirrors

July 23rd, 2009

My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it’s so much more than that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I’m never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I’m all alone
Nothing to reach
I can’t be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don’t want to be her
I’ve got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can’t change a thing
I’ve been tied up and beat
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It’s all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they’re going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won’t get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I’ve been here for so long
I wonder if I’m alive
And this place in my mind
Has been my new home
With no windows and doors
Trapped to be alone
The people come and go
But they just don’t see me
They just don’t hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I’m feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can’t stay
And I’m searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I’m just lost in this feeling
That nothing’s alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I’ve got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I’m looking at her
She looks me straight in the eyes
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won’t go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me every day
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I’m the one in the mirror
But this girl’s not me
She’s something so unclear
And still, I see the blurs
They pass me every day
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don’t know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it’s starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don’t want to hear
And my mind is racing
I’m feeling sky high
And somebody’s dropped me
So how long ’til I die?

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I’m Not Yours

July 23rd, 2009

You make me hear the colors
Make me feel the sounds
Make my heart beat faster
Make me scream out loud

There’s something in this feeling
Something I can’t hide
Something in you
Something’s getting to me now

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

There’s something so relaxing
Something makes me feel alive
And as attention’s missing
I go off on my own

There’s something about the pain
Something about what you are
Something about the situation
I’m on the edge of defeat

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

And here we go again
I’m being pushed away
I can’t take this game
Just stop playing me

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

So, I’m not yours…

Fly Away

July 20th, 2009

Some people are helpless
That’s not me
I’m going to be saved
The angels will come
I will be free
I need help
But to admit that
Is to admit I have a problem
But admitting my problem
Will save me in the end
Or maybe I’ll just drown more
Hollow veins
Blood runs dry
I’ve been emptied
I gave you everything I had
Those black eyes
They took my soul
They sucked me in
And this was no game to be playing
But I played
And I lost
Now all I see
Is colorless
Black blood
Draining me
Black eyes
Watching me
Red skies
Taking over beauty
And it’s gone
The lights go out
I lost my faith
Stolen from my weakened grip
I held on ‘til death
But I had no choice
I was in no condition
For a tug-a-war against you
I’d only loose
I’m only weak
And you have it all
My lungs are empty
I’ve lost my air
And taking my last breath
You left me there
And with my wings
You flew away
You left me here
To die this day

Lucid

August 26th, 2019

It was a dream
But I was awake
Alone with these memories
I couldn’t fake
I looked at you
And in your eyes
I never thought
You’d tell me lies
I wore my innocence
My heart on my sleeve
You wore deception
And I wanted to believe
That I felt safe
Away from danger
I thought I knew you
But you were a stranger
You lit me up
And I felt the fire
Then I got burned
By the greed of desire
And in that night
You made your bed
Laid yourself down
And rested your head
I tried the same
But I couldn’t sleep
My devastation played
Again on repeat
I never knew you
Now I must grieve
A loss that only
I perceived

Fake

July 19th, 2009

I say it
But do I mean it
Is the question
I feel it
But is it the same way
I express it
I’ve felt pain
But is it the same way
Others feel it
I’ve had sad eyes
But was it real
Or just another white lie
I’ve been asleep
Or was I really
Just another performance
I’ve read things
But could you possibly read it
The same way I did
I see you
But are you what I want
Or what I need
And all I see
All I read
All I feel
All I fake
What I think
It all makes no sense
And once again I’m lost
I absorb all I can
I contradict myself
I see things that aren’t real
Or was it just what I didn’t want to see
And to hear my thoughts
You wouldn’t understand
And to feel my pain
It’s just too fake
And to look into my eyes
And further to what’s not real
Would you even see me
Would you understand me
You wouldn’t be able to take it in
No one understands
No one even tries
To feel the fake
To feel the lies
To see my world
Behind my eyes

Alive

July 13th, 2009

Fake as plastic
Real as pain
These unhappy thoughts
Run through my veins
They spread around
They make me feel
It hurts to know
It’s just too real
And there you are
Acting like I’m not here
You said you’d be the one who gets hurt
But that was me, my dear
I’m screaming so loud
Please just let me go
It’ll be a secret
No one needs to know
Closer to the edge
Heart beating stronger
And all that I thought was real
Couldn’t be wronger
Fake as the lies you spread
Real as the pain you put me through
Sinking in like quicksand
So slowly with nothing I can do
Story of my life
I can’t believe you lied
So slowly you killed me
But I’ve never felt more alive than when I died